obit.

Jared R., Hipster
d. 2005
WASHINGTON D.C. November 21, 2005-- Jared R., a hipster extraordinaire who over many years of effort (but not overtly noticable effort, because that would be uncool) assembled a fine vintage wardrobe and home full of bizarre second hand goods while perfecting the "middle finger to the man" attitude, has left the world of hip and mod. Most notably, Jared was recognized for his record collection and audiophilic tendencies. Friends remember his vehement disdain and boycotting of wal-mart and starbucks, and yet remember seeing walmart shopping bags used as trash bags in his apartment and also recall a consistnent pile of discarded starbucks frappacino bottles that would continually klank and rattle in the floorboard of his passenger seat. Jared rode vintage bicycles, wore chucks, used army surplus goods and applied a strong sense of irony and philosophical approach to most aspects of life. Never afraid to upset the expected with a shot of the unexpected, Jared was always open to edginess and shock value, turning his nose up at conventional values. He was always known for taking the road less traveled. Although his adventures ranged from photographing the war torn Balkans to mopping floors in a Southern Baptist Fort Jesus, Jared has cruelly departed the hipster world, bending over and giving the mop handle to the man.* Upon his departure, Jared failed to display any recognizeable trace of irony about his new career and yuppie haircut, devastating long-time hipster friends Leah, Amy, Chris Lawson, and Ben Arnold and further convincing them of his permanent entrance into worlds unknown.

*Editor's Note: when this writer says "the man" he really means THE MAN.