epilogue

From Friday, Jan 13, Washington:

I left the office tonight earlier than usual. I was happy that today I only had to work 10 hours instead of my usual 12 or 13, and I think the change in schedule prompted me to do something unusual on my way home. As I made my way through the streets and onto the bricklayed pathways that lead to the metro station I broke my stride, stopped, and looked up. Thats all. I just simply looked up and searched the sky for any sign of the stars. Unfortunately my search returned an empty ambient orange glow of city lights, a smothering manmade blanket of halogen and smog. Dissapointed, I start walking again- long strides, head down, satchel bouncing at my hip, shoes clopping on the brick. I make my descent into the metro tunnel, and it becomes a metaphor for the descent in my mood. I realize that the last time I simply looked up and admired the sky was weeks ago and half a world away, and that makes me sad. While I can joke about periwinkle ties and suits for everyday, the gravity of realizing that i have plodded home every night for weeks now with my head down is truly dissapointing. I might as well be sleeping through life, only waking up enough to plug through the day at the office.

The metro ride offers no consolation. It is monotony defined, a perpetual stop/start of changing faces that end up looking all the same. But headphones are in my ears and with them I have a way out. Sufjan is on and singing about a transfiguration, and by the time the metro drops me off and I make my ascent to the overground he is singing hallelujas to the One who has scattered a handful of stars across the sky. The orange haze has faded to a cold blue-grey, and I am looking up, finding enough of the tiny twinkling lights for you and me and a few of our friends to wish upon. Sufjan is still singing hallelujas and with all abandon to what the people around me may think I sing outloud. I cant hear myself because of the headphones, so I know I must be way off-pitch. But I dont care...the words are too appropriate to swallow with silence:

I was asleep.
He woke me up again to say
Halle Halle Halleluiah
Holy Holy is the sound

And I hope, I hope you are tired out.
And I know, I know there is joy endowed.
I was asleep,
And he woke me up again.
Halle Halle Halleluiah
Holy Holy is the sound

Hold on, hold on to your old ways
Or put off put off every old face.
And I know, I know you are changed out.
I hope, I hope you're arranged out,
But I'm still asleep,
And you woke me up again.